Vivian Baruch

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

The holiday season is upon us. However you choose to celebrate it, our culture is full of ideas about what to give to others. But how do you give to and nurture your intimate relationship in ways that don’t require spending money? Even though holidays can be painful for some of us, here are some helpful holiday season relationship tips.

Before we begin, take a moment to list the qualities and characteristics that are most important to you in a partner. Next, make sure that you focus on developing these qualities in yourself instead of wanting your partner to change so your needs will be met. Be the partner you would like to have. Become the change you want to see happen.

We often have a list of things we want others to give to us, or a list of how we want them to be towards us. Yet we rarely ask ourselves what we can give to the relationship.

To keep your partner and your relationship happy, you need to be the kind of person who has the qualities on your list. Change yourself first and stop expecting your partner to give to you what you don’t give to them.

Here are six holiday season relationship tips for giving to and nurturing your intimate relationship and surviving Christmas as a couple:

1. Give Your Love Fully

You must communicate clearly to your intimate partner through actions and words the message “I’ve got your back, no matter what”. Differences and disappointments between you are inevitable, that’s the reality of relationship life. All couples have normal relationship conflicts.

You need to learn to have healthy conflicts. These are disagreements in which you express your different thoughts, feelings and needs while using moderate and respectful communication. Make respect for your partner the focus of all your interactions. Respect, trust and commitment are the greatest gifts of love you can give.

2. Open Your Heart Fearlessly

Honesty and transparency are needed for authentic closeness. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and share yourself, no matter how difficult the issue you’re discussing. Don’t be a people-pleaser – you’ll be selling yourself out and undermining trust by not speaking your truth. Learn to say “no” in a healthy way.

Your commitment to being real and honest supports the integrity of your relationship. Be willing to share openly, listen carefully and show that you understand. With that focus, you’ll keep learning and growing, individually and together. You will be learning to love wisely.

3. Tell Them How Much They Mean to You

Sometimes, when you feel close, you think that your intimate partner can read your heart so they don’t need words or actions to confirm what you feel. Words and actions are necessary! They can’t read your mind.

Say how important they are in your life. Make the most of your relationship. Tell them when you saw something they’d love and wished they’d been there with you. Find things to appreciate in them and tell them what you notice – this enhances the good feelings and connection between you. What you focus on grows. Make a conscious choice to focus on what they do right and actively show appreciation for these things. Make sure it’s a genuine and honest appreciation, something you actually see, value and appreciate.

4. Support Your Partner’s Independence

No matter how close you are, you remain individuals with your own thoughts, feelings and needs. Mutual respect for each other’s independence and time alone makes the relationship stronger. The key here is that this time alone must be good for you, good for your partner, and good for the relationship. These three elements must always be kept in mind. It’s like a three-legged stool. Your relationship stool can’t stand solid unless it has all three legs.

You can also advocate for them by supporting their dreams and hopes. This is part of living fully and being true to yourselves. Being supportive of each other’s projects can lead to interactions that are enjoyable, helpful and beneficial. Your partner may also have meaningful and nurturing relationships with their own family and friends. Acknowledge that they might want private time with these people, even during the holidays. You don’t always have to be together.

5. Enjoy Special Time Together

Don’t forget to have fun together. Fun, play, novelty and pleasure are important for relationships. For intimate partners it’s especially important to seek out new adventures you can do together. Do different things in addition to dinner and a movie for your “date night”.

Special time can include problem-solving sessions, when one or both of you are experiencing a problem. Close relationships provide an opportunity to explore your humanity, your mistakes, your need for fun and lightness, to balance your search for meaning in life.

6. Keep Sex Vibrant

A stimulating, fun, meaningful, and yet considerate, connected and pleasurable sex life is at the heart of intimate relationships. Combine sex with loving actions. As your relationship years go by, you need to remain willing to do whatever it takes to grow and expand, to keep satisfaction, sex and romance alive and thriving, no matter your age or health status. Focus on the new mantra about sex = “connection and pleasure”. This can happen no matter how old you are or what your health status is like. Do this knowing that shared connection and pleasure keeps your relationship strong.

There is a lot practical, scientific advice about how to have the best relationship and good sex with your partner, no matter how old you are or how old your relationship is. This advice busts many myths about long-term relationships. The hormone-related drive for sex decreases with busy-ness and age, so a “good enough” sex life requires planning, creativity as well as talking about sex openly. This creates deepening intimacy and promotes the capacity to have sex in a mindful and pleasurable way. These are the outcomes of putting these six relationship tips into action regularly. Persistence and consistence creates a loving and authentic relationship.

Reach out for help

For help in putting these holiday season relationship tips into practice, call 0421 961 687 or email us to schedule an appointment. International callers should call +61 421 961 687.

Please note that Vivian will be out of office from 24th December 2023 until 1st February 2024. In an emergency, please call Lifeline 13 11 14 or Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 437.

You deserve the best trained relationship coaches if you’re planning to invest time and money in your relationship. If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call us on 0421 961 687 to book a FREE 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how we may be able to assist you. See my 3 eBooks on Amazon

This post was adapted from “Mindful Aging” by Dr. Andrea Brandt.