Estimated reading time: 2 minutes
“When you’re in conflict with somebody and you become flooded with fear or anger, all your best intentions can go out the window” says Dr. John Gottman.
The suggestions below on what you can do when you’re flooded come from the Marriage Minute newsletter by the Gottman Institute.
Watch this 2:40 minute video of Julie Gottman discussing how to deal with physiological flooding.
The following exercise can help you and your partner fight flooding together.
Read through the questions below about flooding. If possible, jot down your thoughts and have your partner do the same. Share your answers and talk about how you can manage flooding together moving forward.
1. What typically happens just before you start to feel flooded? Are there particular words, actions, or topics that seem to “trigger” you to flood?
2. What would allow you to stay in an intense conversation without flooding?
3. Can you take breaks? How can you communicate the need to take a break during conflict? What signals can you develop for when either of you feels flooded?
4. What can you do during conflict breaks to calm down? What can you do to soothe yourself when you feel irritable, scared, or angry?
5. How do you make sure that you get back to the problem later on and have a repair conversation?
To learn more about flooding and how to manage it, read:
- Self-soothing and self-care in relationship
- Unnatural acts build successful relationships
- Learning to say “no” in healthy ways
For help in learning more about what you can do when you get flooded , Call 0421 961 687 or email us to schedule an appointment. International callers should call +61 421 961 687.You deserve the best trained relationship coaches if you’re planning to invest time and money in your relationship. If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call us on 0421 961 687 to book a FREE 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how we may be able to assist you.