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The holiday season is upon us. However you do or don’t celebrate it, our culture is full of ideas of what to give to others. But how do you practice the strategies for giving and nurturing your relationship? What qualities and characteristics are most important to you in your relationship?
Make sure that you first focus on developing in yourself what you want from your partner. Become the change you want to see happen.
We often have a laundry list of items we want others to give to us. Far less often do we ask ourselves what we bring to the relationship. To keep your partner and your relationship happy, you need to be the kind of person who has the qualities you want in your partner. Change yourself first and stop expecting your partner to give to you what you don’t give to them.
Here are six strategies for giving and nurturing your relationship:
Extend Your Love Fully
You need to communicate clearly to your intimate partner the feeling “I’ve got your back no matter what”. Differences and disappointments will happen, that’s life. So you need to learn to discuss your differences with compassion and kindness wherever possible. Make respect for your partner be the value and standard that you uphold at all times.
Open Your Heart Fearlessly
Total and gentle honesty and transparency are required for this type of closeness. You must not be afraid to be yourself and share yourself, no matter how difficult the subject or issue. Do not people-please, as you’ll be selling yourself out. Total commitment to reality, honesty and kindness supports the integrity of your relationship. you need to be open and willing to share, listen and understand. With that focus, you’ll always keep learning and growing. You will live a full relational life and love fearlessly.
Tell Them What They Mean to You
Sometimes, because you feel so close, you think that our intimate partner can read your heart and doesn’t need words to confirm what you feel. Words are necessary! Whether it’s saying how important they are in your life or just telling them how you saw something that they’d love and wished they’d been there with you. Make a conscious choice to actively show appreciation. Find things to appreciate in each other for the purpose of enhancing the good feelings and connection between you. Be sure it’s a genuine and honest appreciation, something you truly do see, value and appreciate.
Support the Other’s Independence
No matter how close you are, you remain individuals with your own needs. Mutual respect for each other’s independence and time alone makes the relationship stronger. The key here is that it must be good for you, good for them, and good for the relationship.
you can also advocate for each other in fulfilling each of our life purposes, as part of living fully and being true to yourselves. Accepting and being supportive of each other’s projects can lead to feedback that is enjoyable, helpful and beneficial. Your intimate partner may have meaningful and nurturing relationships with their own family and friends that can enrich your life too. Acknowledge that they might want private time with these people.
Enjoy Special Time Together
Don’t forget to have fun together. For intimate partners it’s especially important to investigate new adventures you can do together. Do other things in addition to dinner and a movie for your “date night”. Special time can include problem-solving sessions, whenever one or both of you are experiencing the problem. Close relationships provide an opportunity to explore your humanity, your need for fun and lightness, to balance our seeking an understanding of life.
Keep Sex Vibrant
A stimulating, fun, meaningful, and yet considerate, connected and well-meaning sex life is at the heart of many intimate relationships. Combine sex with love. As your relationship years go by, you need to remain willing to do whatever it takes to grow and expand, to keep satisfaction, sex and romance alive and thriving. You do this knowing that it keeps your love connection strong.
There is much concrete, scientific advice about how to use strategies for giving and nurturing your relationship. These can help you have the best relationship and the best sex of your life, no matter how old you are or how old your relationship is. Because the hormone-related drive for sex decreases with busy-ness and age, having sex in a mature relationship requires more planning, creativity and open discussion that comes from a loving, authentic relationship.
You deserve the best trained relationship coaches if you’re planning to invest time and money in your relationship. If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call us on 0421 961 687 to book a FREE 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how we may be able to assist you.
This post was adapted from “Mindful Aging” by Dr. Andrea Brandt.