Vivian Baruch

Can you re-create your relationship vision once your relationship has lost its energy? Can you get the energy and juice back? Yes, you can.

Creating a shared vision helps you regain control of your own story. It helps you re-focus on working together as a team to make sure your vision stays on track. It also helps you adapt and modify your vision when needed.

Create shared meaning

To begin with, you and your partner have to ask yourself some key questions. “Who am I? What do I think, feel and desire for myself? What do I want for us as a couple? What’s our joint relationship vision?” Everything starts with those fundamental questions. Forty years of research on couples carried out by the Gottman Institute calls this process creating shared meaning for your relationship.

You have both changed from who you were and what you desired at the start of your relationship. It’s important to take a look at yourself and your relationship as they are today. Don’t compare now to your past.

The Gottmans suggest doing a relationship vision review on a regular basis. They found that the “masters of relationships” check in with each other about the state of their relationship every week in their one hour State of the Union meeting. They also do an annual review in more detail to look back at the past year and plan for the next year. Masters of relationships create explicit contracts for their relationship and make clear commitments about how they will each individually contribute to their shared relationship vision.

What’s your relationship vision and story?

To keep building your joint vision, the next questions to answer are: “What’s my individual story? What’s the relationship story I want to create?” You can have a lot of fun creating this joint relationship vision. It’s a great idea to create a vision board together.

If you want your relationship to last, it’s all about the romance of your story. Let your imaginations run free. Create a vision of the relationship partner you’d like to be and the relationship you’d love to be in. Share these visions with each other and then work together to create a shared vision which combines the best of your individual visions.

Try to think of your relationship as a kind of myth. A myth is a compelling story that is archetypal, according to psychologist Carl Jung. He believed that a lack of compelling myths leads to lack of meaning, purpose and eventually to spiritual problems. Joseph Campbell, a professor of literature, comparative mythology and religion, was greatly influenced by Carl Jung. In this interview by Bill Moyers he discusses our need for myths, visions and stories.

A myth provides vision, meaning and purpose

A myth has emotional content and all the themes of a great story: mystery, rituals, adventure, doubt, intrigue, conflicts, contradiction, paradox. And romance. Yes, romance.

There is no doubt that romance occurs at the start of most relationships. And because this stage, often called the “honeymoon phase”, always comes to an end, when it happens we often feel the energy’s gone from our relationship. We may fear it’s gone for good. At this time we can also feel that we have no energy to give back to it. This is exactly the time to re-create your relationship vision by asking yourself the suggested questions above!

Build something valuable together

When your relationship is lacking in energy and purpose, it’s time to re-create your individual and joint relationship vision. Make time to dream and imagine how you’d like to be and how you’d like your relationship to become. Start taking steps to create this in your life. A joint relationship vision gives you the motivation to do the work required to grow yourself as a person as well as to build something valuable together.

Holding this vision clearly in your mind’s eye will provide direction for you. Having a positive vision of the future is the most forceful motivator for change and for success that individuals and couples possess. It will inspire you to think together, dream together, and act together to make a difference in your relationship and in the life of those around you. It will help you in the daily practice of deepening intimacy.

A positive joint relationship vision is important

Having a positive vision of the future gives meaning and purpose to your present life. This was shown by Martin Luther King in his “I have a dream speech”. Look what he achieved for the civil rights movement! Your dream is your relationship vision which provides the blueprint from which you can draw energy and inspiration. It will keep you motivated as it provides the goals towards which you are both working, individually and together.

If you feel stuck, reach out for help in creating a joint relationship vision. Call 0421 961 687 or email us to schedule an appointment. International callers should call +61 421 961 687.

You deserve the best trained relationship coaches if you’re planning to invest time and money in your relationship. If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call us on 0421 961 687 to book a FREE 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how we may be able to assist you.