Vivian Baruch

Has the charge gone from your relationship? Most of us have not been taught that relationships require an ongoing investment of attention, time and energy to maintain and enhance their vitality. Relationships are like gardens. If you don’t tend them, feed them, weed and water them, they wither and die.

You probably work hard, are pressed for time or are caught up in the daily, everyday grind of activities. This can often result in the sense that you’re on a deprivation schedule. Fantasizing about romance seems like the one place where you can let yourself be spontaneous and feel enjoyment.

The Honeymoon stage

We’re all familiar with the heady rush of falling in love, the exciting and highly-charged time when you meet a person who seems to be the answer to all of your problems. It’s at this early stage in every relationship, called the honeymoon stage, that sparks fly, and the charge generated between you and the other person is irresistible.

Romantic love can be so intoxicating! It convinces you that it’s true love, that this is the right person for you, that they will answer all your prayers and cure all your ills and make up for all the dissatisfaction of your past and present lives.

Instead of idealizing romantic love with someone other than your partner, or sacrificing everything for someone you hardly know, put all that energy and charge back into the relationship you already have?

We need skills to create a good relationship

We’re not taught how to be experts on relationships. To be an expert you need to learn and practice a skill set. No-one prepares you for the normal disillusionment that takes place in every healthy, lasting relationship. You wake up one day and for a myriad of reasons feel terribly let down by your partner. So it’s easy to blame them and not have a clue how you’ve contributed to the unsatisfactory state of your relationship.

You forget how differently you felt and behaved when you were making an effort to attract your partner. If someone new comes along who appears charming, attractive and sexy, it’s tempting to inwardly detach from your partner. It’s tempting to get swept up in something new, different and apparently better. It’s easy to forget that you felt exactly the same at the beginning of your current relationship. What happened? Where did that magic go?

Cast your mind back to the start of your relationship. You can probably remember that when you thought about your partner and the prospect of having a relationship with them, it seemed an exciting opportunity. It seemed full of mystery, totally unknown, rich in promise and ripe with potential. Because it was so new and unfamiliar, it felt charged. It made you anticipate and plan every contact you’d have with them, every call, or text or email you’d make.

At the start you were being your best self

You made an effort to present your best self, to be witty and thoughtful. You were interested in them and you made efforts to be interesting to them. You thought about what you’d wear and what fun activities you could suggest. You were keen on trying new ways of being and thinking, visiting new places, eating different foods, introducing stimulating topics of conversation, inquiring about your partner’s likes, dislikes, dreams and hopes.

In effect you were magnetic! You were practicing a set of relationship skills. You were inspired and inspiring, full of energy, no effort was too big for you to make in your attempts to show your partner that you cared. You contributed a lot to making this phase of your relationship so dynamic and alive. In fact, when you think about it, there was nothing “spontaneous” about this phase. Spontaneity is a myth that you keep searching for but never actually existed because lots of planning had to take place.

Re-charge yourself from the inside

The contributing part of yourself can be re-awakened. Instead of looking for charge and inspiration from others, imagine how you’d like to feel and be, what you can give and contribute, not just what you can get from your partner. Get yourself fit to be in a good relationship. Develop relationship fitness. Don’t wait for your partner to make the effort first. Don’t expect that a new partner will do this for you because this stage will not last without input from you.

Looking for others to “do it for you” has many down sides. Ask yourself – what’s in it for them? Why would they want to keep investing their good energy in you if you aren’t making the effort for yourself or for the relationship? Their energy charge, just like yours, is not inexhaustible. You need to ensure that their efforts are reciprocated, that you’re both contributing. This is what makes a good team and an exceptional relationship.

How can you recharge your own energy so that it can be reinvested in the relationship? When you and your energy are fully charged, like the charge you felt at the start of your relationship, you give off a magnetism. This is highly attractive and can reignite the sparks in your relationship.

It’s inevitable and normal that your batteries will run flat every now and again. It happens to everyone and to all relationships. But you can recharge yourself by doing things that are new, different, exciting and yet totally in line with your own integrity and the commitments that you’ve made to your partner. You need to convert your energy, by taking physical, emotional, mental and spiritual action so that the increased electric current reawakens your love and your relationship.

Relationship recharge takes work

I’d like to invite you to start today. Why wait for something to happen? Waiting for things to change can be very frustrating. It’s a losing proposition. Unless you take the lead,do the work, and begin to recharge yourself and the relationship, it may slowly die, just like a worn out battery.

If flat batteries and lack of charge are causing problems in your relationship, you may need an experienced relationship counsellor & coach. Call 0421 961 687 or email us to schedule an appointment. International callers should call +61 2 8005 1742.

You deserve the best trained relationship coaches if you’re planning to invest time and money in your relationship. If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call us on 0421 961 687 to book a FREE 10 minute phone consultation to discuss how we may be able to assist you.