Estimated reading time: 9 minutes
Like all myths, myths about porn contribute greatly to panic about the use of porn. This panic is accompanied by large amounts of misinformation repeated endlessly. Dr. Marty Klein says the effect of these myths about porn and their resulting panic, has given rise to the impression that only people who are selfish, sick, desperate, broken, lost, obsessed, oblivious or criminal use porn.
According to WebMD “…new research shows Americans’ pornography usage spiked dramatically in the early months of the Covid pandemic…(but) by October, porn use had fallen to pre-pandemic levels.” Before the pandemic, Pornhub, one of the world’s leading XXX website, reports that in 2019 they had over 42 Billion visits, “…which means there was an average of 115 million visits per day. One-Hundred-Fifteen Million – that’s the equivalent of the populations of Canada, Australia, Poland and the Netherlands all visiting in one day!”
That’s a lot of people having their private recreation pathologized, demonized and marginalized.
According to a 2015 survey by Marie Claire, one in three women watches porn every week. Many people don’t know that women watch porn too – although it’s often different than the porn men watch. Often, but not always, it has more of a story to it and is slower-paced.
In Australia, a 2018 article in the Sydney Morning Herald showed the latest porn statistics are surprising. “New research published last month in the Journal of Sex Research contradicts the claim that sexually aggressive porn is increasing. It also shows consumers of porn prefer videos showing mutual pleasure to violent interactions. The researchers claim their work breaks new ground in monitoring the most watched and rated videos on Pornhub and provides the only empirical evidence on the changing nature of popular porn.”
Porn is Acting – NOT Sex Education
The overall message to remember is that most available porn is acting. Just like when making movies, there are lots of people on set with the paid actors and actresses. The actors are guided by directors, producers, set designers, make-up artists, lighting crews etc. And they are following scripts, written for them by screen writers, with the sole purpose of captivating the audience. This funny one minute video by the New Zealand Government called Keep It Real Online captures this neatly.
Of course you know that acting is miles away from what real people do in real life. Do you believe everything you see on a movie screen? When you watch an action movie, you know it’s entertainment and not real life. That’s exactly the same for porn. It’s not like real life or real sex. It’s not what happens in real sexual encounters. That is the key message about porn.
Ethical Porn
There are also ethical porn sites focusing on healthy conditions and consent in the process of making porn. “Ethical porn can be defined as that which is made legally, respects the rights of performers, has good working conditions, shows both fantasy and real-world sex and celebrates sexual diversity — just to name a few.”
So bearing all the above in mind, the following eleven myths about porn are not based on facts:
Eleven Myths About Porn
1st Myth
Porn is mostly violent and “misogynist” (women-hating).
Fact – It’s mostly non-violent. It shows female sexual passion, women in states of desire and pleasure, women enjoying giving and receiving oral sex, which some people define as misogynist. A small amount of porn has male characters committing violent acts against female characters who seem to be suffering. They are actors in fictional portrayals that many find distasteful. “Non-consensual aggression appeared in about 12 per cent of the videos, and less than 10 per cent of the titles suggested aggression.” This is a very small amount of pornography precisely because most consumers don’t find this erotically appealing.
What porn does leave out is consent, affection, love, awkwardness, romance, communication & what women really need to enjoy sex, especially if they want to orgasm.
In real life these, and many more aspects of healthy sexual relating, are necessary in a satisfying sexual encounter. These are also necessary ingredients for a successful long-term relationship.
2nd Myth
Watching porn causes erection problems, especially in young men.
Fact – There’s no scientific data showing there are now more erection problems than there were before 2000, when the internet became freely available. These myths about porn don’t reveal that there are no studies showing that erection problems are caused by watching pornography. There has been an invention of a disease called “pornography-induced erectile dysfunction” (PIED), despite the lack of data showing an increase in erection problems in users.
3rd Myth
Porn destroys enjoyable, intimate relationships.
Fact – There’s no data that this occurs. There are no studies comparing relationships in which porn is and isn’t used. There is much data on the incidence of sexual dissatisfaction in long-term relationships. In fact there are many relationships where ignoring or hiding sexual dissatisfaction keeps the relationship stable. If porn viewing becomes an issue for a couple, porn is often blamed for sexual dissatisfaction or relationship problems. This gives angry (mostly female) partners justification for saying their (mostly male) partners are doing something wrong, as opposed to “I don’t like it” – which could lead to having meaningful conversations about porn and masturbation. No-one leaves a good intimate relationship for videos or pictures of other people.
4th Myth
Watching porn is infidelity.
Fact – Most couples have made no explicit agreement about whether either of them will use porn during their relationship. Having explicit conversations about porn use and what each partner means by infidelity is absolutely necessary. These agreements require self-soothing, communication, negotiation & conflict management skills. All of these are necessary for a healthy sexual encounter.
5th Myth
Most men hide their porn watching from their partner because they know they’re doing something wrong.
Fact – Most men who watch porn don’t think they’re doing anything wrong. When they hide their porn-watching it’s because they believe they have to protect their partner’s feelings, or because their partners have forbidden them from watching. So they resort to secrecy instead of challenging this one-sided prohibition. How would women feel if their men one-sidedly forbade them to knit, or play Sudoku or read women’s magazines and then caused a major argument if they caught women secretly doing the things which they don’t consider wrong?
6th Myth
Only a man would enjoy porn; women just don’t like it.
Fact – Millions of women watch porn alone; as many as 10 million watch with their partner. Over 150 million copies of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy have been bought – almost all by women. It has no photos or videos, but its explicit descriptions of sex, sexual feelings, sexual acts and bodies, and eroticism make this book porn through and through. There is now a big market for female porn on the internet. In the 2015 study above, one in three women admitted to watching porn. This figure may well have increased in the last five years.
7th Myth
Watching adult porn leads to watching kiddie porn.
Fact – There is no evidence for this. According to the data, the audiences for the two products have almost no overlap. Most adults find the idea of watching kiddie porn so repulsive that nothing would get them near it. The adult (legal) porn industry does not create kiddie (illegal) porn so does not market it to consumers. Illegal kiddie porn is difficult to get and must be intentionally sourced. Consumers of legal porn to do not access it “by accident”. It is hidden behind pay walls.
8th Myth
Porn is all about men’s sexuality and men’s pleasure.
Fact – This is contradicted by watching any random three minutes of almost all pornography featuring women. Remember porn is acting. Even so, women are generally portrayed as enjoying the activities in which they’re involved. The characters almost always desire the sex they have, and almost always orgasm. If they give their partners pleasure, they are usually shown enjoying it. Male viewers enjoy watching images of women’s sexuality, like women’s desire, arousal, pleasure, satisfaction, curiosity, communication, seduction, fantasy, preferences, domination, submission and anatomy. That’s why porn appeals! Remember this is not sex education, it’s entertainment.
9th Myth
Watching porn encourages violence against women.
Fact – The rate of sexual violence toward women in America and Australia has declined since the rate of porn consumption dramatically increased. The rate of violence in Australia has fallen over the last decade, according to 2016 Personal Safety Survey (PSS) figures released by the Australian Bureau of Statistics. It’s important to note that family, domestic and sexual violence is still a big problem and requires reporting as well as expert help. If you’re experiencing this call RESPECT on 1800 737 732.
10th Myth
Neuroscience proves that watching porn can damage the brain (especially in the young) and even cause porn addiction.
Fact – The growing field of psych-neuroscience reports similar changes in the brains of people cuddling puppies, enjoying sunsets, and watching porn. Neuroscientists do not claim that watching porn does anything. This is the work of anti-porn activists quoting ambiguous reports of neuroscientists, which lay people aren’t trained to evaluate.
11th Myth
Many people are or can become addicted to porn.
Fact – The new “disease” of porn addiction is simply an updated version of the “disease” of sex addiction, created in the 1980’s by prison addictionologist (substance abuse expert) Patrick Carnes. Porn use does not have the marks of true substance addiction like drugs or alcohol (changes in physical function, need for increased dosing, withdrawal symptoms, and continuing the activity when it isn’t enjoyable), so it’s hard to take this claim seriously. Porn is not a substance.
In addition, there is now growing awareness that there is no such thing as a “sex addict”. Well-respected sex educators, clinicians and researchers agree that addiction has a very different physical and neurological picture to what happens with out-of-control sexual behaviour, which is a clinical issue. Porn addiction is something which does not exist – see Dr. Marty Klein , Dr. Douglas Braun-Harvey & Dr. Joe Kort.
Behavioral addictions are still hotly debated and disregarded by many doctors, institutions, and everyday people. Unless your porn use causes you to miss out on work or social activities, has got you into significant debt, or you continue to masturbate despite pain and bleeding in your genitals (due to excessive masturbation), you don’t have out-of-control sexual behaviours. If excessive masturbation to porn is concerning you, please seek help from a qualified mental health professional who will help you explore if you have co-occurring mental health issues as well.
If you need help in clearing up myths about porn, and/or dealing with the complex and confusing issue of porn, Call 0421 961 687 or email us to schedule an appointment. International callers should call +61 461 961 687.
You deserve the best trained relationship coaches if you’re planning to invest time and money in your relationship. If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call us on 0421 961 687 to book a FREE 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how we may be able to assist you.
Adapted from: His Porn, Her Pain – Confronting America’s Porn Panic with Honest Talk About Sexby Marty Klein.
Leave a Reply