Affair partner vulnerability map

There’s no way to predict with certainty whether a person will get involved with someone who is in another relationship. Responding to the questions below will help you identify your vulnerability to being the “other person” in a relationship triangle.

This test was developed by Dr. Shirley Glass, an expert on affairs. Her best-selling book is called “NOT “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity”.

Choose A =agree, D= disagree or Not Applicable:

1.      People who are partnered/in other relationships are not “off limits” to me. A      D      NA   
2.      People in other relationships love to confide in me about their bad relationships. A      D      NA   
3.      Nobody at my workplace would condemn me for an “office romance”. A      D      NA   
4.      Most people don’t appreciate their relationship partner enough. A      D      NA   
5.      My friends wouldn’t condemn me for getting involved with someone who is in another relationship. A      D      NA   
6.     My father/mother made me feel special but they neglected my mother/father. A      D      NA   
7.   I prefer relationships with no strings attached. A      D      NA   
8.   I would rather turn outside of my relationship for companionship & support. A      D      NA   
9.   My father/mother was a doormat who put up with my mother’s/father’s infidelity. A      D      NA   
10.   I find myself attracted to people who can look out for me. A      D      NA   
11.   I can get almost any person to fall for me by turning on my sexual charms. A      D      NA   
12.   I’d rather be someone’s part-time lover than their full-time partner. A      D      NA   

Scoring Key:

Add up your points to calculate your lover vulnerability score. Each A = 1, D = 0, NA = 0. Your score indicates how likely you are to be the “other person” in someone else’s relationship.

0 – 2 = You’re not the type.

3 – 5 = Slippery slope.

6 – 9 = Danger zone.

10 – 12 = Fatal attraction.

The majority of single women hope & believe that their partnered lovers will leave their partner. In contrast, the majority of single men involved with other men’s partners tend to be commitment-phobic. Single men having affairs with partnered others have a similar perspective to unfaithful men & women for whom the affair is a sideshow, whereas for single women it’s often the main event.  The married affair partner is best understood in the role of unfaithful partner.

Partnered women who have sexual affairs often choose younger men because of their endearing personal traits & disregard their inadequate financial, social or professional status. This is analogous to partnered men who have affairs with people they do not consider “partner material.”

Experts on infidelity agree that affair partners are not superior or inferior to the partners they compete with. They’re just different, which supplies variety. Hurt partners generally believe otherwise & often have a distorted view that either they or their rival must be inadequate and outclassed. The affair partner may also typecast their lover’s partner as submissive, demanding, stupid or frigid.