Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
If you’re a man, are you confused and mystified by your female partner? If so, you’re not alone! You may need to read “The Man’s Guide to Women” by John & Julie Gottman.
This book summarises their 40 years of research conducted on more than 3,000 couples. It is full of scientifically proven secrets from their Love Lab about what women really want.
The twelve points below the video are adapted from https://instaread.co. I hope they inspire you to read the book, which provides many more details about each of their helpful tips.
Summary points of The Man’s Guide to Women
- Women can be hard to understand. All women are unique, although there are common attributes. Just like you are a unique man who wants to be treated as such, you also have common attributes with other males.
- The most important quality that women look for in men is trustworthiness. Understand that trust must be earned, not naively given to you. Naïve trust shows a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgement. You show your trustworthiness by being accountable, reliable and genuine. By being a trustworthy man, you prove you can safeguard your woman’s body and heart, as well as those of your children.
- Women have two main complaints about men. 1. Men are never there for them 2. Men lack connection and intimacy. In turn, men have two main complaints about women.1. There’s too much fighting 2. There’s not enough sex. You can overcome these complaints by attuning yourself to your woman. Learn to use the science-based ATTUNE skills.
- Men need to feel desired and approved of by their women. Men seek approval for who they are and strive for less conflict in a relationship. And just like you, women also need to feel desired and approved of because these are basic human needs. Learn to show desire and approval in the way your partner needs it, not how you think she needs it. Ask her what makes her feel desired and approved of.
- Male and female brains are structurally the same. And yet they function differently in some important ways. One difference is that female brains have hormonal rhythms which influence their daily reality. Men need to understand that women change from week to week. Because this is normal, learn to respect this.
- Women are attracted to men who are masters of a certain skill or interest. Become good at something that you like. This will help you to feel competent within yourself in healthy ways. Women do not like arrogance or men who take up space and time. This indicates unhealthy dominance.
- Women’s stronger sense of smell is important in sexual attraction. A man’s unique pheromones influence sexual attraction and sexual compatibility. Your pheromones do not work for every woman. Sexual attraction needs to be there early in your relationship. If you take an intellectual or logic-only approach to your relationship, this is not sustainable. In addition, using logic and rationality without empathy does not produce feel-good hormones in your woman. A successful relationship is a mix of love, intellect and physicality.
- Men must discover a woman’s true profile by observing how she treats her friends and loved ones. Watch how she deals with adversity, negativity and conflict. Men should avoid three types of women 1. The damsel in distress who is always victimising herself and spreading negativity 2. The princess who feels superior to everyone else and treats others badly. She feels entitled to take and does not contribute to your relationship 3. The competitor who is always trying to outperform, be and look better than others.
- Men should appreciate their woman’s unique body and express this verbally in respectful ways. Doing this helps her overcome stereotypical and unrealistic expectations about her body. Learn to be a good listener and to understand her feelings about her body and other problems instead of trying to solve her problems.
- The majority of, but not all, women love shopping. This may be a constant source of problems in relationships. You need to understand that this is an evolutionary trait from hunter-gatherer times. You both must learn to negotiate mutually suitable options around shopping and division of money and resources.
- A good relationship built on healthy commitment leads to a healthier life for both of you. If you want your relationship to last, commit to your woman in thought and action. How a man supports his woman through pregnancy and after birth by giving physical, but especially emotional support, has long-term influences on the happiness of their relationship.
- Never stop learning about her and get to know her as much as possible. The three keys to a long-lasting and successful relationship are 1. listening to her 2. paying attention to her 3. being there for her. Give her a daily 6 second hug or kiss and plan fun dates to keep your love fresh. Give her 5 daily appreciations in the form of compliments, words, actions, presents and/or quality time using her main love language. Show her you honour her personal dreams which are not linked to you or your relationship .
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