We all have weak spots in relationships.
Last week I was thinking about a famous singer. Something she said inspired me to think about relationship success. At the start of her career she’d realized that, to get ahead in singing, she had to improve her voice projection ability.
So she decided that a good way to do this was to take classes in drama and voice projection. That’s how her singing and performance career took off. She took action to strengthen her weak spots. She improved herself first before expecting career success.
The need for good relationship coaching
Addressing your weak spots in relationships may sound obvious. But it got me thinking, how many people really:
1. Know what’s limiting their relationship success and
2. Push and challenge themselves to do something about it? Like getting some good relationship coaching.
It may be that, reading this right now, you are saying to yourself, I know I should …[fill in the blank]. But will you actually do it? Most likely, no.
The use of denial
Perhaps some of you are denying there’s anything you need to address. You tell yourself that you have no weak spots in relationships. Instead you might be blaming your history, your partner (or lack of having a partner), your circumstances and all sorts of other things for why you haven’t got a successful relationship.
Instead of taking action about some fear or limitation that holds you back, you might be hiding this under layers of anger, hopelessness or jealousy focused in the wrong direction. You may be self-medicating with drugs, alcohol or food. Or you may be engaging in behaviours like gambling, excessive busy-ness, watching too much TV or being over-involved with your kids instead of focusing on improving your weak spots. This does not help your self-esteem!
We all have fears and weak spots in relationships
No matter where you are in the above categories, all of us have at least one major fear or limitation holding us back. That’s our human condition! Facing our fear and then improving it will most likely open the door to new individual and relationship opportunities and success.
Here are two stories to inspire you to do just that.
One of my former clients told me that when he was younger, he was so shy that just the idea of speaking in class and, later on, in a social setting, was so terrifying that he would freeze on the spot. He decided to get help, faced his fear in small ways every day, and is now in a happy, fulfilling relationship, something he had never believed would be possible for him.
Another successful client was, for years, stuck in an unhappy and bullying relationship. Because she’d become expert at denying her real self to please her partner, she was amazed at the ease with which some women could negotiate with their relationship partners for outcomes they wanted. She decided to learn the assertiveness and conflict management skills she felt she lacked.
And it worked! It turned her relationship around. It got her partner’s attention, reintroduced the passion and intimacy she had been denying she wanted, and in the process she gained a capacity for self-acceptance and self-esteem she didn’t know she was capable of achieving.
Take this free relationship happiness quiz to find out the current state of your relationship.
How to strengthen your weak spots in relationships
So whenever you find yourself doing any of the following:
- Looking for a quick-fix cure – there are none
- Wanting to change your partner – don’t waste your time, it won’t work
- Feeling sorry for yourself
- Feeling jealous of someone else because they have the type of relationship you want.
Stop. Slow down, take a deep breath, relax, and ask yourself: What’s one thing I need to face, address, or improve to feel successful in my own eyes? Then understand that 40 years of research has created a scientific method to cultivate successful relationships.
If you honestly answer yourself
If you answer yourself honestly about what it is that you need to face, I can promise three things:
1. That you know, on some level, what that one thing is that you need to focus on.
2. It will be the thing you can do to open up new opportunities and increase your individual and relationship success potential.
3. No, it won’t be easy. Yes, it will take work. But the rewards will far outweigh your efforts.
If you put the effort in to changing yourself, practicing hard and persisting with your efforts, I promise you will strengthen the weak spots in your relationships.
You deserve the best trained relationship coaches if you’re planning to invest time and money in your relationship. If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call us on 0421 961 687 to book a FREE 15 minute phone consultation to discuss how we may be able to assist you.