What this means is that throughout life, humans are wired to seek out and preserve physical and emotional closeness with at least one special person. And that person’s place can’t be filled by anyone else. This becomes our primary attachment figure, the person we turn to for help and support. Research has shown that particularly in times of stress, when we’re in doubt, anxious or sick, we seek out this irreplaceable person. That’s just the way we’re built.
which contributes to disconnected, repetitive and painful couples dances (patterns in the way you interact). We can use the research data to slow down the steps which take you further apart. We can facilitate experiences in the counselling room which show you how to turn towards each other, hold onto yourself despite your anxieties, disclose the underlying longings and fears, and reconnect in meaningful ways so your attachment and romance is strengthened.
In all honesty, this is hard work. It’s perhaps the hardest work you’ll ever do, especially if you don’t know yourself well, or are ashamed of or don’t have the words for your feelings and needs. But this is where our training as couples therapists comes in. It’s a sad fact that John Gottman’s research reveals that couples wait an average of six years while being unhappy with their relationship before getting help. Often they believe things will just “get better by themselves”, or “the problems will go away”. Imagine having the daily pain of an infected tooth for six years! That’s a lot of hurt, damage and loneliness to go through without getting help. There is competent help out there. Make sure that your counsellor is well-trained in couples work though.
To book your appointment call me on (0421) 961 687 or contact me. You can book a Skype session with me if you cannot personally come to either of my practice locations. If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call me on (0421) 961 687 to book a FREE 10 minute phone consultation to discuss how I may be able to assist you.