Last week I was thinking about a famous singer and remembered something she said that inspired me to think about relationship success. At the start of her career she’d realized that, to get ahead in singing, she’d have to improve her voice projection ability.
So she decided that a good way to do this was to take classes which involved drama and voice projection. That’s how her singing and performance career took off. She took action to strengthen her weak spots. She improved herself first.
Addressing your weak spots in relationships may sound obvious. But it got me thinking, how many people really:
1. know what’s limiting their relationship success and
2. push and challenge themselves to do something about it?
It may be that, reading this right now, you are saying to yourself, I know I should do that about [fill in the blank]. But will you actually do it? Most likely, no.
The use of denial
Perhaps others of you are denying there’s anything you need to address, you have no weak spots in relationships. Instead you might be blaming your history, your partner (or lack of having a partner), your circumstances and all sorts of other things for why you haven’t got a successful relationship. Instead of taking action about some fear or limitation you know holds you back, you might be hiding this under layers of anger, hopelessness or jealousy focused in misguided directions. This does not help your self-esteem!
No matter where you are in the above categories, all of us have at least one major fear or limitation holding us back. That’s our human condition! Facing our fear and then improving it will most likely open the door to new relationship opportunities and success. Here are two stories to inspire you to do just that:
- One of my former clients told me that when he was younger, he was so shy that just the idea of speaking in class and, later on, in a social setting, was so terrifying that he would freeze on the spot. He decided to get help, faced his fear in small ways every day, and is now in a happy, fulfilling relationship, something he had never believed would be possible for him.
- Another successful client was, for years, stuck in an unhappy and bullying relationship. Because she’d become adept at denying her real self to please her partner, she was amazed at the ease with which some women could negotiate with their relationship partners for outcomes they wanted. She decided to learn the assertiveness and conflict management skills she felt she lacked. And it worked! It turned her relationship around. It got her partner’s attention, reintroduced the passion and intimacy she had been denying she wanted, and in the process she gained a capacity for self-acceptance and self-esteem she didn’t know she was capable of achieving.
So whenever you find yourself looking for a quick-fix cure (there are none), wanting to change your partner, feeling sorry for yourself or jealous of someone else because she or he has the type of relationship you want, slow down, take a deep breath, relax, and ask yourself: What’s one thing I need to face, address, or improve to feel successful in my own eyes? Then understand that 40 years of research has created a scientific method to cultivate successful relationships.
If you do that, I can promise three things:
1. That you know, on some level, what that one thing is that you need to focus on.
2. It will be the thing you can do to open up new opportunities and increase your relationship success potential.
3. No, it won’t be easy. Yes, it will take work. But the reward will far outweigh all that.
You deserve the best trained relationship coaches if you’re planning to invest time and money in your relationship. If you’re not ready to book an appointment, call us on 0421 961 687 to book a FREE 10 minute phone consultation to discuss how we may be able to assist you.